that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
