Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
