RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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