I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
