He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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