I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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