Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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