Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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