I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
