24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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