I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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