My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
