I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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