Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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