It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
