my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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