Me too!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
