Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What a dumb baby whore.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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