Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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