ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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