no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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