Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
