somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
