Got a toothbrush?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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