There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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