Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
