She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
