btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i now understand why vodka
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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