he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
