Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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