im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
