Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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