i just had sex bonerless
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
