I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
