We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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