We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
