I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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