We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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