I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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