Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
