I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
