he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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