apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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