its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
