apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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