I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
