I feel great
I just peed on a car
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
