Tell her she can't have a vagina
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
