Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why do cheetos always look like penises
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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