Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
