I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
