so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
