Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
