and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
