My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
